Nice Guys Finish First

Randy Ginsburg
5 min readOct 30, 2019

In 1936, a man by the name of Dale Carnegie published a book titled How to Win Friends and Influence People. Eighty-three years later, it has sold over thirty million copies and is still regarded as one of the most powerful self-help books of all time. While I will not discuss many of Carnegie’s specific principles, I suggest you read the book yourself. However, it is important to highlight an underlying theme on which many of his tactics are based. Kindness. Often mistaken as a sign of weakness or passivity, kindness can prove to be a secret weapon in entrepreneurship. I’m sure you have heard of the saying, “Nice guys finish last,” a quote I whole-heartedly believe is a piece of trash.

I am not saying that just because you are nice and positive to everyone you meet, you will automatically be successful. Inversely, I would be lying if I said that all successful businessmen or women got to their places of prestige by being kind. But when paired with confidence, persuasion and positivity, kindness is shown to be both an empowering and lucrative business strategy.

“One of the most underrated skills in business right now is being nice. Nice sells,” says Mark Cuban.

“I went through my own metamorphosis, if you will. Early on in my career, I was like bam, bam, bam, bam, bam — I might curse. I might get mad. And then I just got to the point — I wouldn’t have wanted to do business with me when I was in my twenties. And so, I had to change, and I did, and it really paid off. People hate dealing with people who are jerks. Don’t be a jerk.” 80

Sometimes, like in Mark’s case, it takes an act of self-realization to transition into living a life of kindness, but for others this commitment to kindness is derived from their harsh past.

In 2018, Dr. Ellen deLara’s conducted study of over 900 individuals ages 18–65, all of whom had been bullied as children Of the 47 percent of subjects who reported positive life impacts from their bullying, hundreds of people gave responses such as “I’ll never do the kinds of cruel things that were done to me” or “I have great empathy for those who feel ugly, different or flawed.” Four respondents in particular answered as followed:

“I am self-conscious about my actions and how they affect others. I try to be kind, so I don’t hurt anyone. All of this had a big impact on me. I still defend people who are being bullied at my workplace.”

“When I saw that people were cruel, I realized that I didn’t like it and I didn’t have to be that way in life. Seeing the effects of bullying on my friends made me want to reach out to them to express sympathy. Today I am an empathic and sensitive person that others can come to with their problems.

“Now as an adult, I understand it gave me a perspective that helped me to see the way people feel when they are teased or tormented. I made a decision to never do anything like that because I know how terrible it feels.”

“As an adult I’m not shallow. I respect people who can’t have the fanciest, trendiest clothes. I understand how they feel. I matured in my outlook. What I decided is that kindness is the most important thing to me.”

These four responses, amongst numerous others, illustrate an incredible finding: suffering through bullying can provide individuals with an increased sense of morality, an indispensably positive quality in both business and life in general. I also found similar responses in my own research as nearly every entrepreneur that I interviewed credited a positive aspect of their leadership style to their past experiences with bullying. (Check out the book to see exactly what they said ;))

Until conducting this research I hadn’t realized how much of an effect being bullied has had on my own emotional intelligence (EQ), although I have always found it to be one of my most prominent strengths. I now realize it is also my most powerful defense mechanism, leading me to make important decisions and form tight-knit relationships with those I care for deeply while disregarding those who are toxic. In today’s workforce, this newfound sense of empathy and emotional intelligence can be even more valuable than technical skills themselves.

“A lot of jobs are going to disappear, but the thing we will always have that is more important is your emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is having a good understanding of yourself, self- control, empathy and a natural understanding of people’s decisions, needs and desires. It is a deep human understanding and embracement of people who are different from yourself,” says global career development expert Soulaima Gourani. “If you can handle people’s diversity — people of a different age, different personalities, or educational backgrounds, for example — and you can handle the conflict that comes with that, you will be the highest paid, most valuable employee in the company.”

Gourani’s testament rings true, as TalentSmart tested emotional intelligence alongside thirty-three other important workplace skills and found that emotional intelligence is the strongest predictor of performance, explaining a full 58 percent of success in all types of jobs. Additionally, past studies have connected high EQ with high career success, client relationship and retention levels , emotional competency and social interaction, all dictating a potent connection between higher EQ levels and increased entrepreneurial success.

For an entrepreneur, honing this skill is just as important as learning to code or any other technical ability because you will rely on it to help build the team tasked with executing your vision.

So how do you build emotional intelligence?

Like picking up a sport, EQ can be developed and improved with practice and real-world application.

Close your eyes. Think of how many people you interact with on an average day. Within each one of these interactions — whether with a coworker in the office or a cashier at your favorite restaurant — is an opportunity to practice building emotional intelligence. Be observant of your surroundings and take note of your emotions.

How do you act when you are stressed?

How do you bounce back from adversity?

Are you aware of how others are feeling?

How well do you manage your relationships?

At least once a week, take the time to think back on some of your interactions and self-analyze. If you really want to develop your EQ, take note of each “mistake” you made so you can look to improve on it in the future. This is not a time to be over-analytical and kick yourself for any wrongdoing, but rather a time for reflection and learning. Start to practice this as early as possible, as its results can play an integral role in the ability to form strong, lasting relationships and be comfortable in your own skin.

I hope you enjoyed this post — if you liked it and want to connect you can reach me here via email randy@randymginsburg.com or connect with me on LinkedIn, Instagram, or Twitter. Also, you can also find my book, Adversity to Advantage: How to Overcome Bullying & Find Entrepreneurial Success on Amazon — here is the link to buy it: https://amzn.to/2YraYRf

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Randy Ginsburg

Author of Adversity to Advantage: How to Overcome Bullying & Find Entrepreneurial Success / Follow Me @GinsburgRandy